i'm not an angry girl i just have everyone fooled

what a totally bizarre day.

I finally got some sleep.
I participated in a remotely eloquant manner in several of my classes.
I napped by the reflecting pool while looking down at the mountain.
I declared my second major.
I had two deep conversations with perfect strangers.
I walked home in the sunshine and picked rasberries.
My sister has cancer.

What a totally bizarre day.

Existential Potential

Of course the rains came the same time as my torrential readings, it figures. I love this weather, actually, its kind of like one less thing to worry about, sickly pleasing. And my snot green raincoat is the love of my life.

Mostly through existential crisis numbe one of the semester, which leaves me with the dual kicker of being all the more sure of where I am and what I'm doing and why, but restless as all hell for the duration. There will be mayhem this summer though, of that, I am very sure.

Classes are intense, the whole applying myself to the utmost of my potential, perpetually, is still really a new thing. The only way I'm close to staying on top of things is using every minute that I'm not in class to be reading. Every minute that is, that I'm not working in NE, tutoring, hanging with los rusos, or wandering in the park. I've come to the conclusion again, though, that I'm really quite inelloquant. I'm always so pysched whenever I do actually know whats going on in discussions, and I like, fall over myself to be able to participate. And then, well, hella verbal diarehea...Oh, Mean Girls.

I gotta get back to Peggy time, because that more than anything else raises the walls again. I haven't had time to myself, since I left for MD last month, and its starting to make me twitch. Time to myself, and workouts.

Over and Out, 50 some odd pages of "The Ecology of Freedom". And sweet sweet caffeine.

Funny

Its always funny to me how things come full circle. Went to the first night of percussion tonight, and 'lo and behold, I am the only chick.

And right back to that same place, 7th grade, where I'm throwing jabs, taking charge, and totally the sarcastic little whore that we know and love.

Just one of the guys.

It was sweet.

Why is it 12.19 pm, and I'm sitting in the music office blogging?

Because I am .005 away GPA wise of getting put up for honors Russian. OK, so yea, this whole crazy idea, was very much just that, completely friggin' sumashedshie, nu tak kak vsjo u menja. Its nuts, but I dig it, and I'm kinda a lot disappointed. I can wait and do it later, if I can bring my GPA up (with 3 SOAN classes? unlikely), but that means either another summer in Portland schoolin', or the dreaded back to back thesi senior year. No, I don't have to write an honors thesis in Russian, but I think I've thought it through pretty clearly and rationally, and this will have a lot of play in what I want to do with at least a good portion of the near future, and the experience would be incalculable.

So, how do I actually do the whole school thing then well? How do I play this game so I get what I want out of it? I am such a psuedo student, I honestly don't know what I need to do to get better at this, and that in itself scares the crap out of me.

But in other news, the sun is out, classes are intriguing, there are new drummers/otherwise beautiful people, I've already got into it with the band director, my house is semi-put together, have I mentioned its sunny??, and I speaka the russian pretty damn well.

Life is grand.

Kam Jdem?

Long post stolen from me in the chaotic 2 weeks sans internet...may attempt to recreate it but first I must pretend to pack.

Home to Portland tommorow, for now:

"We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)