I've been trying all day not to let the weight of this holiday drag me down. Me of all people, you know? I take pride in the comfort of my own skin, I enjoy my own company, I don't fear being left to my lonesome. And here I am, moping around because I am alone on Valentine's Day. I can't make sense of it. I know it all, I've got friends and family...Who needs the trappings of carnal affection? So I set off down the hill for class this morning, bracing myself for the flood of sappy-sweet Pepto Bismal flavored sentiments, and was immediately accosted by a barrage of "I love Alex Phillips, will you be my valentine please?" posters. Some poor bastard has literally papered campus with endless displays of their affection. Nothing like a pre-coffee PDA to make you feel down right cruddy.
Fast forward 6 hours, and you'd find me slaving away for my music, holed up in Evans avoiding the world. I actually did make considerable progress on the Prelude, which countermanded some of my bitterness quite nicely. Then, Ryan, poor soul, showed up to listen to me play through the excerpt for Saturday. (If you're reading this, I honestly don't know what to say. Thank you for pacifying me, and I hope at some point I can actually play for you like I play for myself. I appreciate your kindness and your skill more than you probably realize.) As cathartic as practicing for two hours may be, I'd still rather sit down cold, play, and be proud of the effort. I almost miss not being so invested, because then there isn't nearly so much to lose. That goes for life in general, the scary creation outside my cocoon. I understand the appeal of opting out, because then you put nothing on the line, there is no risk for failure if you haven't begun the attempt.
What a whole-hearted waste of a day. And then I dropped a tympani on my foot. And there went any misguided notion of having it all together. So if you see me limping slightly, please come give me a hug. It's either because of that, or because I'm drunk. But either way, I'm sure to be appreciative.
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3 comments:
Peggy!!!!!!! (It's Rachel L. at Delaware) :D I can totally relate to your "too much such-and-such" before coffee phases. I definitely fall victim to that the majority of the mornings each week :p Thank goodness for campus coffeeshops providing me with some sanity. And don't worry about el dia de San Valentin -- it's merely a commercial holiday, but it's still fun to be able to tell those around you that you love them. LOVE YA (even though it's a day late)! But yeah, all a girl really needs is some chocolate and suddenly everything is right in the world. :) Hope you're having a marvelous day, and I hope to be able to talk to you again sometime soon...ADIOS!
I LOVE YOU! BE MY VALENTINE!(Yes, I know it's a day late, but I'm trying . . .) *HUGS* I'm sorry your day was so craptacular - I tried to get people at my school to do an anti-valentine's day thing, but it just wasn't the same as back home . . . people didn't seem to understand the concept here . . . I missed you like CRAZY! Keep smilin' chica, I love you!
Tympani foot...ouch.
-Hillary
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