The Continuing Adventures of Peggy the Transient

Well, OK. Breath. Yes. Moving on.

I am pretty well not going to Chile next year, for very many reasons, probably most tangible being I can't get my last major SOAN requirement otherwise. Of course theres more to that, so much more to that, but I don't have the energy to rehash again. I'm afraid I might change my mind again, and the waffling itself is killing me. I've made my decision, and to have half a chance in hell at succeeding at this, at these next two years, I need to focus my will and intentions and passions on right here, right now. And right here right now has a lot that really is exciting me, honestly it does. But the pang and pull of flight is semi-constant.

Turning to the next chapter, there is most definitly a strange girl living in my room at the new house. It figures, right? Apparently, some friends of one of our future roommates are pretty much squatting in the house until their new place is finished. Apparently, they thought we weren't moving in until September. THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE PAYED RENT FOR AUGUST?!

On the plus side, Ri and I are mostly moved out of the apartment (ok her more than me), and shes pretty much claimed the back half of the room already. I figure we'll force 'em out by will and subliminal messaging, if nothing else. I'm tired of all this constant flux, prepetually stress (life?)and really just want to get settled. We still have all the furniture, and most of the kitchen stuff to get rid of. I'm trying very hard to re-focus, because this too is all temporary. I'm really good with touchable solid deadlines and stress, because then I know that I can look 2,3,4 days down the line, and know that it will be done. And by next Friday, this will be done too, it has to be. We have to be out of the apartment by the 11th, and honestly, yea, sucks to be the squatters, but not really my responsibility. Nope Nope.

What have I got myself into?

I am super pysched for fall, however, which in itself is frightening. What a strange new phenomenon, and honestly, quite jarring. My textbooks have been arriving in the past few days, and a: god DAMN theres a lot of them, b: they all, without exception, look really quire interesting. Heres hoping a new perspective and a new mindset is enough to hold on to that optimism for a little while longer. School, just always wears on me so quickly. I hate what it does to me...I remember writting in my journals about it senior year of high school, when I so desperately wanted the luxury of a year off. I hate how wound up school makes me, how stressed. Its like I totally loose the capability of letting anything roll off, because everything is so damned important and pivotal all the time. I think it just comes back to this very misguided notion that I am in control of my life and my surroundings and my action here, so much so that when something is thrown at me that proves otherwise, yea, total melt down. Travelling and living abroad has taught me to adjust, to just go with it. When you have absolutely no knowledge of the whys and wherefroms, you learn really quickly just to make do in the moment. Which I do, under normal circumstances, do incredibly well. Now if only I could manage to do that within the constraints of this continent we'd be all good.

I need my spine back.

In other grand adventures, I have officially made my grand re-debut as AFS super volunteer of choice. We had training for orientation group leaders yesterday, and the whole thing just put me in this great mood for once. I'd almost forgotten how much fun exchangers are, just flat out hilarious trippy people. I'm with my kind there, how amazing it always is. AFS experiences though, are forever riddled with this happy melange of nostalgia, regret, and laughter. Everything anyone mentions always brings to mind about 23 different memories of my various wanderings, the good, the bad. I don't want that time back, no. Instead I want the confidence that more such insane trials and crazy times will come. So next Saturday, ass early in the morning, I'm trekking out to Camus (thats "kaemoos" in Oregonian) to hang out with a bunch of no doubt crazy cool new AFSers, to hopefully shed some light on their hellish first days in country, and maybe perhaps remember why I'm here.

In other, other news, I finally succombed. Trekking out to Gresham on thursday to meet my Russians and do some more interpretting for their case worker, Amy, I fell deeply asleep on the MAX. This has been one of my more petulant preoccupations in my 2+ years in this city, falling asleep on transit downtown, and waking up half way to Ashland. Now I can happily cross that off my list of things to do while still in college. The great thing, so I wake up at the end of the Blue line train, Gresham center, laugh a while, scratch my head in embarassment, cross the tracks, and get on the train going the other direction. End of story? Yea, not so much. No sooner had I sat down going safely back in the direction of the known world, do I fall asleep again. I was aiming for E 188th Ave, no more than 4-5 stops back the way I'd come. Instead, I wake up around E 122nd. Ha. Ha. Ha. I wait 20 minutes for the train going back the right direction, jump off, run run run up to their apartment, and realize the case worker has beat me there by a good 20 minutes. Yes, I plead poverty and studenthood (but my research paper is done done done!!!!) but it was pretty damn funny trying to explain that to my Russians...

Enough, time to hike back up to the empty apartment...


"There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden, or even your bathtub."
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

and my friend Emerson, as prescient as ever
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson