Peanuts, bloody Peanuts

Still alive, still in and around SW Colorado, still homeless, still living on peanuts (literally).

But I've definitly had quite a few adventures in the last few weeks, met some people and out of the way places, and am slowly convincing myself that sometimes the best course of action is to take a step back and have faith that I am exactly where I need to be, and the rest will follow.

Survived training, which is it's own happy fun tale for another library evening, but sadly left my journal abandoned in Squaw Canyon. Really only disturbing because in it was my budget for the next few months. I expected to be wrecked about loosing all of that writting, but in some respects, it had to happen. There was so much fire and so much pain wrapped up in the last year in a half, loosing my record just seemed fitting, you know? Just to have to let it go completely, and move forward with an entirely new clean page.

Living out of the car and tent and the goodness of others, however, is screwing with my head. I know its a great thought experiment and oh so neccesary lesson in trusting that the universe will provide, but I find it incredibly unsettling. It took me an hour and a half yesterday morning to dig through boxes and other detritus to find winter shoes and my down vest from the bottom of box number one. Not to mention the lack of laundry, food, and space. Being out of control of my situation has always been hard for me, and this adventure is in particular trying my patience.

My body is antsy, my heart is unsettled, my mind is impatient, and my soul is still back in that sweat lodge, howling at the moon.

All for now.