Don't Even Bother

I'm at the point in the semester, in the week, in the day, just in general, where I can no longer avoid the conclusion that I'm just a heinous bitch and, well, tired. After three weeks of "PMS" one must come to the obvious conclusion that, well, life is just like that, its not just hormones.

God damn it all.

These last three weeks are dragging and flying and I'm just tired of the whole friggin' yo-yo affect. As soon as I convince myself that I'll just be happy to be away from here, something nice happens, and then I'm thrown off in the other direction. Literally, like, many times within the hour. I can't even keep track or control. Past time of choice is just wandering the city, letting my mind and my feet wonder, and this is both fantastic and abhorent, because, well, both my mind and my feet wander. Time to myself, yea...I can't take it. And time with people just makes me sad, because then undoubtedly, I have to realize that I'm leaving, and these people have come to mean a lot to me. And I don't have that wonderful naive gift that everyone else here does, I have no preconceptions that I will stay in touch with these people, or that the relationships will still be the same when I come back to this city years down the line. I did that already, and damn it all...it doesn't work. This is really the end of it all, and the only thing that makes that even worse, is seeing list of kids who are staying on for next semester. Without a doubt, they are all the most heinously awful loud disrespectful of all of us.

And they can stay and I can't, and its not fair damn it all.

I need a hug.