Monday evening and it's snowing again. If it had to snow, the last evening out in the field is a pretty decent moment for it to do so. I am hanging out in the healer tent as an extra pair of eyes while Kate does some testing. Its a pretty awesome sanctioned break, actually.
I made the mistake of giving in and getting online briefly this morning, while hanging out in the trailor on my break. Now I'm super conflicted and scattered by what I saw. The good news is I'm officially confirmed to switch back to the Open side of things as of mid-February, when I get back from visiting Columbia and recerting my WFR in Albuquerque. I'm having a hard time pinning down how I feel about it right now, and am looking forward to checking in with Ellen tommorow on the subject. I expected to be totally elated, and to not find that true is midly concerning. I think it would almost be easier to not get the news I wanted, and just to make my peace with keeping that door closed for good. This way is so much more complicated, and means I actually have to do the work for myself and make a decision for myself about what I want from this boy. And then to have no communication from him waiting makes me frusterated and disappointed and confused. It makes me second guess myself and my actions. It makes me feel a bit silly also. It was nice to see all the birthday wishes from everyone, for sure, but overall internet reconnecting to real life experience was discombobulating, confusing, disappointing and fairly anti-climactic. I kind of wish I would have waited 'till I got home and postponed the inevitable.
On the plus side I'm not pregnant. Finally. So relieved. Well, I feel like crap but I'll take it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment