Taking the Bull By The Horns

Yesterday kicked my ass hard, and repeatedly. I was leading from Masada over to Old Base Camp, and what started out as a relatively simple slog through the mud on the road turned into a pretty stressful and endless canyon hopping tundra crossing marathon. I was super far gone by time we cruised into camp around 8 pm. I let myself get ravenous, and by the time we arrived I was way past coherent or pleasant. Though I was disappointed with myself for getting that cold, wet, and hungry, I was really proud that I could voice my needs to the staff and where I was at emotionally and physically. In the past I wouldn't have been able to admit that I was crabby and starving, or that I needed some space to cool off and snack once we got where we were going. I was also able to control myself and not get pissed at the wrong person.

It was a pretty sweet hike actually, and best of all pretty challenging for everyone involved, even staff. My big mistake was getting talked into going off road when I wasn't super stoked or ready to do so. I should have made a judgement call, and stuck to it. I also didn't have a good enough picture in my mind of where we were going and what was between us and getting there topography wise. I kind of figured once we decided initially to stick to the road that I knew what I needed to know, the one crucial intersection, and left it at that. I allowed Dustin to convince me what we needed to do, though I didn't totally understand enough to lead. I should have voiced that and stuck to the road, or taken the time I needed to be better acquainted with the maps. My temptation was to transfer a lot of my frustration and exhaustion and anxieties around leading to him, and I'm stoked to say that for the most part I didn't.

We woke to snow this morning, though by far not the epic maelstrom I've been fearing. It snowed for a little while while we were getting going, though tapered off pretty quickly. The stars are presently trying to come out, and the temperature dropped 25 degrees easy from last night. My rain pants have frozen to myself since sitting here, wet on the outside from digging deadmen for the corners of my shelter. It might be too cold and clear to snow more tonight, and at this point its not a huge deal either way. I feel the pull of the wall tent pretty good tonight, and the deeper hum pulling me back to my car and the complex life therein. I am however not looking forward to the almost inevitable crash that will follow us after we get back to base tomorrow, it's depressing.