Couldn't sleep for my mind racing this early morning, so I gave up finally and decided to do something about it. I am sitting on the porch of the wall tent watching the stars go down and the eastern sky begin to lighten. I don't say this often anymore, but I would really love for this day to get itself done with soon. The next twenty four hours are destined to be extremely full and long and not entirely occupied enough to keep my mind on the tasks at hand. I sort of cant believe it yet that in like not quite a day and a half I will have picked myself up from this desert and plopped back down in the middle of suburbia several miles away. I guess I've grown quite used to the pace of foot travel these past five months and the instantaneousness of the transition seems preemptively jarring. I know I will get through all the bullshit logistical nonsense that stands between me and gone somehow, but from this vantage point atleast the task seems quite large and cumbersome.
Today is going to require quite a lot of breathing.
I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with our therapist today, in large part to prove that I can. I hadn't realized how much my attitude towards her has really affected how I work with her. but it has and I need to be proactive about fixing that. I guess I feel really frustrated and unsupported by her when lately she's been pretty unavailable for us--either not coming out at all, or at a way different time and space than we were told and had planned on. I feel overlooked and a bit silly when I've asked questions in the past or voiced concern and have been dismissed pretty quickly. I know she does a lot of work behind the scenes which we never see, and its obvious to me from seeing the students that shes good at what she does with them. In the future I think the best thing for me to have a better relationship with this woman is to speak up and have this conversation so that we can better understand each other and that I can have more of the bigger picture about why she's never here with us. Maybe I'll just bust her an I feel...ha ha. I know at the very least I need to start the conversation and not have it fester until I get back.
Awesome. Not awkward at all. Yeah, OK...
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night, who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz..."
About Me
- Me, I'm holding out hope for a zombie attack
- “What are you, life? A silent theater of Chinese shadows, a chain of dreams, a charlatan’s store? Or a gift of unrequited love---that’s all that is intended for me? What about happiness? Ingrate, you’re alive, you weep love strive fall and that’s not enough? What?...Not enough? Oh, is that so? There isn’t anything else.”--Tatyana Tolstaya
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