Dreams of Africa

In some ways it feels so easy to be back at work, free floating through the nascent baby stages of desert springtime. It got cloudy a little while ago, but otherwise I've been sailing all day through a mythic blue day that made me think of Africa. The snow is mostly gone, except for here and there patches and in between glimpses of high peaks. In some ways easy and in others tedious and picky, because I want so bad to do it well and redeem myself from that pesky little disciplinary paper presently lying in my file reminding me to slow down and think before I speak.

I feel ridiculous taking a break my first night in the field mid-shift. But at the same time if I'm ever going to learn one of my many lessons out here I have to start being proactive and helping myself before things get bad. So thus I am hiding out for the moment at Old Base Camp wondering what the next ten days have up their sleeves.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm intimidated facing another almost double shift. I'm edging towards no to be honest but maybe shying away from judgement. The last double worked me so intensely I try not to think about it. But I feel like I'm in such a different headspace now, that comparison is only just barely valid. I guess I hadn't really realized how much the shambles of my love life had really affected me. Work definitely sits a lot more lightely now than it did two months ago. Thats for sure.

For this shift, well this week anyway, I'm looking for clear goals still. I'd like to settle in again, really, to a routine both personal and professional. I'd like to do more listening to talking. I'd like to seek out each girl for their own sake and begin to build rapport individually. I'd really like to have a good handle on my communication this week, though I'm not quite sure how that might look. Hopefully not talking about other people, and owning and appologizing when I do. I want to bust at least one fire, and failing that I want to put in a good and regular effort in trying.

I guess I'm more tired than it seemed, dozing off in my crazy creek like this...