So I did some impossible today, I had a real meaningful personal conversation with Jack. I have come to the conclusion that good casual sex is still casual sex, and sleeping with him is starting to make me feel shitty afterward due to the inevitable separation. Somewhere in the middle of trying to convince myself that I wasn't interested and didn't care, I got attached, and I'm so proud of myself for saying so. The only time previously I've done so was with Jason way back when.
While I'm sad and disappointed about how everything worked out I can't say I'm entirely surprised. It worried me enough just for the sake of our still opposing schedules, though i guess I secretly was thinking it would all work out once we managed to find ourselves in the same place at the same time. I should have acknowledged that we both had clearly different expectations, I saw but I tried to ignore. Even before the whole " but I like you and I like sex so I figured it'd work, but I have no intention for anything romantic..." spiel, I saw it. I wish I could be pissed at him, but I'm not, I'm pissed at myself for believing. I hadn't felt used before the conversation this afternoon at all, but now I do. I'm pissed at myself for expecting more from casual sex.
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