So Over It

I hate tarping students. I hate Mondays at base with therapy and I hate the lethargy I feel looking at the whiteboard with so much to get done. My fantasy lately, has been just lying in my bed for like two days straight watching bad TV on my laptop and eating soup. Not even real food, soup like Progresso from a can. I think I'm rapidly reaching the end of my endurance for working through sick. I'm over it. I'm tired, tarping kids makes me sleep like crap. Particularly C, she totally puts me on edge. We put her on run watch last night after she tried to blow me off while taking her to the bathroom. Sort of an instinct more than anything else. I'm proud of following through on those instincts lately, but today and last night more repulsed by the results.

I feel blah and pissed off. I imagine I feel blah because I'm mentally drained and physically tired, which keeps my emotions from going anywhere thrilling, or very far at all. In the future I hope I can take better care of myself physically so as to more strongly experience whatever comes up emotionally. I imagine I feel pissed off because I sense I'm being manipulated and have my defenses lower than normal for being ill and tired. The particular students that I'm pissed off with or about I can't voice my frustrations to either, which makes it seem bigger and worse than it actually is. In the future I hope that I can use my anger and frustration therapeutically, and better learn to let go when I can't do so.