Double Time Again

I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas eve. It's tuesday night of another double shift, and it's almost too cold to be writing right now. I'm hanging out in Bohdisatva actually, trying to keep an open mind about working with the young adults for a few days. So far so good, but the last like 48 hours seem such a whirlwind that I have a hard time slowing down longe nough to track on what is good or not good. Bohdi is a bit liberating, a bit scary intimidating, and really fascinating in an introspective kind of way, just trying to figure out where I fit in working amongst ostensibly peers. My biggest fear and why I fought working over here so hard is not being removed at all from the students. I use my age separation a lot to fall back on with the Cleo girls, and my fear is exposing my true scattered spastic self and not showing that I have the resources to be in authority and do my job. I sort of feel like I'm 22 and hae been where they are at in the none too distant past, what right do I have to offer any guidance? That said, I feel like I can finally envision a place and space where I can share some of my story with students here in a safe and appropriate manner. I like that feeling and I like the person who could make that happen quite a lot.

And theres the mee that feels stupid giddy after a two minute interaction with a certain boy on the outgoing shift. It seems we were meant to cross paths again regardless of whether or not I engineer it. I ended up stuck in Cortez to help with half a transport of an Avatar boy. We took long enough at the pediatrician's that the Open side was finishing up lunch when I ducked into the staff tent to grab some tampons on the way down to the sites. Just the hug and the way he looked at me were enough to make my week and prove to be super distracting. But the interaction also was enough to convince me that what happened between us was real and mutual and lingering.

Crazy intense few days and theres more to relate on another moment. I am so happy to see stars tonight for the first time in days. And for the hope to sleep warm tonight in my borrowed wiggy, even if the mercury does in fact touch down at 0 degrees F. Honestly, to sleep at all tonight would be fantastic...